amused I just had to share this gem with someone. Regretfully, this apparently is someone in my extended family:
Lois divorced a wonderful man after nearly 25 years of marriage and still used his last nane over 45 years later, feeling it more prestigious than her own maiden name. He was the father of 2 wonderful children, and 1 of questionable merit as noted by his Will. Lois never worked, except for a 10-year stint from age 55-65 and lived until her death on her divorce settlement, supplemented by significant monetary assistance from one of the good children. The other good child preceded her in death, while serving in the military.
She had no hobbies other than a plant or two. No friends other than Violet F., who walked to visit her until the very end. She spoke poorly of Violet for over 50 years, to all who would listen and those that didn't want to. Violet expressed genuine sorrow when told of her passing by Lois's son-in-law, whom neither Violet nor Lois had ever met. Lois declared her anti-social behavior was due to total nerve deafness in her right ear (although her 10-year work tenure was as a bank teller). She blamed her deafness on her wonderful mother for making her bring in laundry when she was 14.
The "Mommy Dearest" of the common people, Lois was a true clothes horse all her life. She was probably cremated in a wornout nightgown after dying in her sleep. She had many new nightgowns, still with their price tags, hanging in her closet.
Her remains were rescued from a shelf by a fantastic step-granddaughter, nearly 40 years of age, that Lois refused to acknowledge or ever meet. Lois was languishing on the shelf, because that is where her questionable child left her. Harley personally made arrangements for the burial and then made a 500-mile journey to find Bethel. She performed a funeral service that she wrote herself, which brought the person doing the actual burial to tears. Other than Harley and her friend, no one attended Lois's funeral.